


Behind Closed Doors

by loser1419



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Non AU, Pining, Unresolved Romantic Tension, jinhwan pov, junhoe pov, will contain snippets of events, yunhyeong pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-05-04 08:36:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14589159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loser1419/pseuds/loser1419
Summary: Jinhwan and Junhoe and the things that occured behind closed doors.Alternately, how it took them a couple of heartbreaks and years of pining to realize that they meant so much more to each other.





	1. Jinhwan's pov

**Author's Note:**

> the first three chapters are connected with each other. in order to understand it better, it would be better to be acquainted on all three chapters. if there's any unclear part, please don't hesitate to ask about it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's your relationship with Junhoe?"
> 
> It's an abrupt question. He wasn't expecting it and it caught him off guard. Hanbin blinked and Jinhwan regained his senses to realize that Hanbin is waiting for his answer, so in return, he laughed.

Jinhwan had been tossing and turning on his bed ever since he came back from Hanbin's studio earlier. Hanbin's words had been stuck on his mind, repeating over and over again like a broken recorder, can't stop thinking about it even after hours had already passed.  
  
 _"What's your relationship with Junhoe?"_  
  
It's an abrupt question. He wasn't expecting it and it caught him off guard. Hanbin blinked and Jinhwan regained his senses enough to realize that Hanbin was waiting for his answer, so in return, he laughed.  
  
Jinhwan groaned unhappily upon remembering how poorly he handled the situation earlier. He should have gone for a more sane response instead of laughing like a maniac.  
  
  


  
Jinhwan didn't answer. He laughed instead while Hanbin looked weirdly at him. He laughed and shook his head as if Hanbin relayed the funniest joke to him-- he laughed until Hanbin sighed, whispered something under his breath, and turned his back to focus on his work again.  
  
Jinhwan didn't answer, not because he simply wanted to dodge the question, but because he also didn't know the answer. Junhoe has always been more than a friend to him; he'd long accepted that his affection for him was  different than what he has for the rest of his members, but he can't call themselves lovers. They're somewhere in between the spectrum, the ever so popular _‘more than friends but less than lovers’_ notion, where it laid exactly, Jinhwan wasn't sure.  
  
There’s no label in their relationship, that is, if you could ever call it a relationship.  
  
  
  


  
Jinhwan didn't even thought that they would come at this point years after.

When Junhoe joined the team, Jinhwan had been wary. Junhoe lying about his inability to sing when he first joined them wasn't a great start for them either. Junhoe entered the company as a dancer, and it made sense that he had no idea on how to belt out a few notes so Jinhwan supported him, only to realize that that wasn't the case. Junhoe was full fire and eagerness, and he touched him a little too much even though it's already established that Jinhwan was older. He asked questions repeatedly and Jinhwan had times when he wanted to tell him to just  _ shut the fuck up your voice is way too loud. _

Junhoe was dressed up in the weirdest mix of colors. Jinhwan told him about it when he came on their practice room one day wearing by far the most questionable set of clothes, only to be brushed aside, and he wasn't afraid of speaking up his mind-- whether be it good or bad, which led them to some disagreements most of the time. Jinhwan had a list of why Junhoe was grating on his nerves, but that list had long been gone ever since that fateful day.   
  
Jinhwan remembered having a little meeting among Jiwon and Hanbin when Junhoe stormed out of the studio after a bad practice. Junhoe had been making more mistakes than usual, and Hanbin wasn’t a very patient man either. Hanbin was annoyed at the drama, Jiwon was concerned, and Jinhwan was concerned too but his tiredness overrode his worry for their youngest. It's not the first time that Junhoe pulled off this stunt, and Hanbin was seriously considering on having a teammate swap out because according to him, life goes on, monthly evaluations were always around the corner and they can't always halt their practices for this. Jiwon and Jinhwan were quick to disagree, and Yunhyeong too, who stopped from practicing after hearing the word ‘ _ removing’ _ and Junhoe together in one sentence. Jinhwan then suggested that someone should talk to Junhoe instead, hear him out and help him calm down,  but Hanbin still had to revise some parts on the song, Jiwon has to help Hanbin and practice dance together with Yunhyeong, so with no other choice left, Jinhwan ended up doing his own suggestion.   
  
Jinhwan found him in one of the empty practice room, a couple of rooms away from their own. Jinhwan's practiced lines were thrown out of the window when he saw Junhoe's state-- red rimmed eyes, slouched back and a bottle of alcohol in front of him. Jinhwan would have scolded him for drinking because Junhoe was still under age at that time, but he decided against it when the younger started to talk-- not his usual blabber about nonsensical things, but to really talk his heart out.

Jinhwan listened as Junhoe went on about things that he never heard him say before, about his struggles and fears, about his doubts and insecurities. Jinhwan wondered if Junhoe had been feeling that way ever since joining their small team, and he instantly felt guilty for not being there for him when it's his job as the oldest member. Junhoe was their youngest but he was always so strong-willed and stubborn and he never acted his age, so it was easy for them to forget that he's still the youngest among them.  
  
Junhoe started acting a lot better after their talk. He didn’t straight away lash out on Hanbin’s critical words. He would sometimes come sit next to Jinhwan during breaks without saying anything, but it’s enough for him to know that he’s having a hard time. A little squeeze on his knee, a couple of pats on his back, and Junhoe would rise up at Hanbin’s instructions again.  
  
Jinhwan figured out that it's what they all probably needed--to find someone whom they can confide in. Someone whom they could release whatever that was burdening them, someone who would listen and encourage them.  
  
Jinhwan vowed to be that someone for them. For his small team, for Junhoe.  
  
The change between them was not overnight, but it's the start. Ever since that day, Jinhwan understood Junhoe a little better, a little deeper. He learned to accept the fire and to not be burned by it on the process. He could manage Junhoe's eagerness and could tame it too sometimes, and grew accustomed to the hands that were touching his nape, hands, and arms at the most random times. He learned to be patient to answer Junhoe's every question, losing the irritation that was constantly laced on his voice before. Jinhwan could now understand the underlying meaning behind Junhoe's harsh words-- the younger's own way of expressing that he cared.  
  
Surprisingly, or not really, they have the same taste on a lot of things; the movies they like, on drinking, on the flavours they preferred, on the things that annoyed them. It helped them bond over it, and over time, they grew closer and became the inseparable duo among the group. Jiwon often whined about Jinhwan replacing them with Junhoe as his best friend. Yunhyeong even said they're _'soulmates'_ , and if such thing existed, then Jinhwan would like for it to be the case.  
  
So _maybe_ Jinhwan did expect this to happen to them.  
  
But he didn't expect to catch some feelings along with it.  
  
  
  


  
When Junhoe first leaned in to land a quick kiss on his lips, Jinhwan had been so stunned he went blank for a full minute. Junhoe snapped him out of it by pinching his sides, laughing loudly when Jinhwan yelped. Having recovered from the shock, Jinhwan asked him about it and Junhoe merely stated that it's his way of saying his  _ 'thank you' _ for getting him a birthday gift. He seemed unaffected by what he'd done so Jinhwan forced himself to stop overthinking. It was just a simple peck after all. Friends sometimes do that, right?   
  
But it didn't stop there. It wasn't a one time thing. It turned to numerous pecks that leave Jinhwan tingling, heart pounding. Jinhwan long stopped asking the meaning of each pecks, choosing to focus instead on the softness of the younger's lips. Or how Junhoe would smile at him after when it's Jinhwan who would initiate it first. Or how each pecks lasted a little longer than the first ones. It's all playful for them, or at least that's what Jinhwan would like to believe.   
  
Their first real kiss happened much sooner. Jinhwan was crying over some things he already forgot what now, and Junhoe did the most cliche move, a straight out of the movies and dramas action. He kissed him to stop him from crying, tilted his head at one side so their noses won't have to bump, moved his lips slowly against him. It successfully did the trick. Jinhwan calmed down.

So maybe it's the reason why Jinhwan forgot about his problem at that day because his mind was only filled with how amazing the kiss was. How it made him feel lightheaded and breathless, how it made his heart throb painfully with yearning he didn’t know he had for the younger. They were both inexperienced, but for Jinhwan, it's still perfect.

Junhoe brushed the stray tears on his cheeks, and placed one last kiss on his lips before muttering a quiet good night.   
  
If good night meant staying up all night while thinking about the kiss, then Jinhwan had a good night.   


 

  
  
Jinhwan was afraid. He still is until now, but his fear had been off the roof at that time, he decided to do the dumbest thing ever. Junhoe's touches burned at his skin, his kisses made him feel something dangerous, his stares melted his insides. Jinhwan was slowly becoming addicted. He wanted more, but he knew that he can't ask for it, not when he wasn't sure of Junhoe's feelings. He would usually come to Hanbin or Jiwon for a talk whenever he got problems but he can’t do it now. He didn’t want to see their disappointed expressions after hearing everything.

Feeling more alone and troubled, Jinhwan thought of ways to stop his growing feelings for the younger, to stop himself from wanting more.   
  
He eventually came up with an idea, one that he would regret afterwards.   
  
He got himself a girlfriend.   
  
It's the only thing that young and in denial Jinhwan could think of to amend things. A friend introduced him to her and they instantly hit it off. She's cute. She didn't demand things to him, she’s bubbly and fun to be with, she’s mature and most importantly, she's shorter. Jinhwan didn't have to stand on his tiptoes to kiss her. He didn't have to look up while talking to her. She didn't tease him about his height and would always fumble to ensure that he's well taken care of. He's happy, he really was, but he felt like something was missing.   
  
A couple of months into the relationship and Jinhwan realized that he'd been unconsciously comparing him to Junhoe this whole time they're together. She's the exact opposite of him. She did things that Junhoe wouldn't do, and yet Jinhwan still longed for the younger man.   
  
Junhoe avoided him ever since he announced that he's in a relationship. He stepped back when Jinhwan would come closer, he said excuses whenever Jinhwan asked him to hang out, and he would recoil from Jinhwan's innocent touches. They still talked, but Jinhwan felt like a thick wall was now separating them. It didn't feel right. He missed him.   
  
Jinhwan broke up with her after five months of dating. It's a futile attempt to distract his feelings. It was unfair for her, and it made him feel bad knowing that she did genuinely like him. The distance between him and Junhoe grew bigger and Jinhwan made himself believe  that it's for the better. At least something good came out of it. Jinhwan ignored the small pang on his heart whenever Junhoe would sit at the other end of the table. Less interactions, less feelings, he reminded himself.   
  
Unfortunately, things didn't end simply. With the nature of their job, he should have known better.   
  
Life has its way of getting back at him, and suddenly, news about him going out on dates were published everywhere. He didn't even debuted yet, and he's already on the news, but not for good reasons. The people were quick to judge, spewing hates and comments he didn't have any clue where they have gotten them. He knew that most of the accusations were baseless, that the netizens would jump at any scandal without knowing the actual facts, but it still hurt reading them. It damaged his reputation, affected his group too, and he blamed himself for it. In his need to save himself, he became thoughtless and selfish. He felt like he dragged his group down with him. It didn't take too long before he was called into the headquarters, where the CEO scolded him harshly.   
  
He forced a smile when the members worriedly asked him after his meeting with the CEO. He told his parents and sister that he's fine, and people will eventually forget about it. They continued their practices while the hate comments kept on coming. Jinhwan pretended that he didn't saw the members' worried glances, the hushed conversations when they thought he’s already sleeping.  He brought this upon himself so he should deal with this alone. He can't have the members worry about him more when he already tainted their group reputation with his carelessness, so he put on a mask and acted like everything's normal, like he's not slowly dying inside with every backslash that was thrown at him.   
  
The act lasted only for two weeks, before he completely broke down in Junhoe's welcoming arms.

  
  


  
So again, maybe Jinhwan already expected all of this to happen--to fall in love with Junhoe. Maybe he already knew the moment they both decided to cross the thin line that separated their friendship into something more, the moment Jinhwan just let things to play out. He could push Junhoe away when he first leaned down to kiss him. He could tell Junhoe to stop when he laid him down on his bed, when he removed his clothes, when he started to touch him on places where friends usually won't touch. He could help Junhoe pursue the girl that he told him about before, the one that they both met at the club. Looking back, there were a lot of chances for Jinhwan to pull back. Junhoe always gave him ample time to think, giving him a way out on whatever they're about to do, but he didn't.   
  
Jinhwan kissed him back. Jinhwan helped him remove his own clothes after removing his. He ran his hand on the expanse of Junhoe's skin. He ignored Junhoe for days when Junhoe showed interest to the girl. Jinhwan didn't pull back, because he also wanted it. He could end it, but he didn’t want to. He's to blame with everything.   
  
He's stuck on this situation, and to make matters worse, he's also very much in love.   
  
_ "I think Junhoe has a thing for you _ ." , Jinhwan's mind flashed back on Jiwon's words from before. He flipped on his bed again, frustrated. That didn't answer his and Hanbin's question. He couldn't just say that " _ maybe Junhoe has a crush on me _ ." It's as vague as every answer that he could think of. Also, he didn't really believe him. Jiwon said it to him at the time when Junhoe would follow him around like a lost puppy, when Junhoe would always make sure to sit right next to him. It's a couple of months after they made their talk, and Junhoe still must be feeling awkward so he stuck around with him. Years had already passed and Junhoe could charm anyone that he likes now. He's grown more comfortable with the people around him. Jinhwan was mildly surprised Junhoe still hung out with him after meeting far more interesting people.   
  
A nagging thought told Jinhwan that it's because he's more accustomed to his presence and not because Junhoe genuinely likes his company. Is it really just the familiarity that binds them together? If Hanbin didn't have things to do on that day, if Yunhyeong and Jiwon didn't have to practice, if he's not the one who followed and talked to him after, would he ever agonize over Hanbin's question today? Or will it even be asked in the first place? It's like a domino effect, with everything falling ky one after another.   
  
Jinhwan flipped on his bed for the nth time, burying his face in his pillows, trying to keep himself from screaming out of frustration. Thinking about it was never a good idea, because just like before, it led to more unanswered questions and doubts.   
  
Personally asking would be the easiest solution, but Jinhwan was too afraid. Junhoe didn't appear all too invested in their vague set-up, nor giving any indication that he wanted them to progress more, so asking it might just make them both awkward and that was the last thing that Jinhwan wanted to happen between them.   
  
They shared kisses behind close doors, touches far too intimate for it to still be considered as normal between close friends. They spent countless of nights just lying close to each other, sometimes talking, sometimes just reveling into the presence of each other. Their stares lingered at times, and if Jinhwan was in the mood of deluding himself, then he would also like to think that Junhoe reserved a particular look and smile only to him. The one that made him feel giddy and special. The one that made him hope that maybe just  _ maybe _ , Junhoe also feels the same.   
  
But at the end of the day, Junhoe still whined about being lonely. He still echoed his sentiments about not having a girlfriend even though they're of legal age to meet the opposite sex. He still vocally expressed his attraction towards some female coworkers. It's normal among their age, his members had the same talks about this too, but Junhoe talking about it made a difference. It shouldn't hurt him so much but it still did.   
  
Junhoe gave him hope that they could have something more, however, he's also the one who took it away from him. Junhoe was being cruel, and he didn't even know it.   
  
Jinhwan glanced at the clock on his bedside table. It's nearing midnight, still quite early, but he already felt exhausted.   
  


 

  
  
  
Junhoe opened his door just when Jinhwan's about to open it himself to go to the kitchen. He decided that drinking some alcohol would make him feel sleepy but with Junhoe here, he probably won't be getting any sleep sooner.  
  
"Hey, wanna watch this movie with me?"  
  
Junhoe was holding up a DVD of an unfamiliar Japanese movie. The offer would usually sound tempting, but considering the amount of time he just spent thinking about _them_ , and the reason why he's needing a drink in the first place, it wasn't a good idea.  
  
"Not in the mood to watch anything, Junhoe."  
  
Junhoe, undeterred by the rejection, crouched down a little so they're on the same eye level, before landing a smack on his lips. He ducked away quickly, taking advantage of Jinhwan's gobsmacked expression to enter the latter's room. Upon recovering, Jinhwan quickly surveyed their surroundings, alarmed at the thought of his members possibly witnessing it. The coast was thankfully empty, no traces of the other occupants, so  Jinhwan hurriedly closed his door to glare at Junhoe who was already turning his television on.  
  
"How could you be so careless? What if anybody sees you?"

Junhoe shrugged, and his entire nonchalance on what he just did was ticking Jinhwan off.    
  
"Donghyuk is sleeping, Bobby hyung is still at the studio and Jaeho hyung was called in the headquarters."

They've never done it on an open space before, and even though Jinhwan felt like everyone has hints of what's going on between the two of them, hence Hanbin’s question and Yunhyeong’s not so subtle words and actions,  Jinhwan still wanted to keep things private.

Junhoe turned to him after a few clicks, and Jinhwan could already hear the opening credits of the said movie. “Sit down now, we're watching it!"

 

 

Jinhwan kept a safe distance between them. Halfway through the movie, Junhoe noticed it and pulled him closer towards him.

"Why are you so far? Come lie here beside me."   
  
"Junhoe,"   
  
With his eyes on the screen, Junhoe searched for his hand and squeezed it softly. Jinhwan immediately stopped from talking. "Hush, this is a great part."   
  
"You watched this before?"   
  
"Yeah, but I want to watch it again with you."   
  
Jinhwan stared at Junhoe. The simple sentence made his insides flip. Should he ask him now?    
  
"Don't look at me, watch the movie. The main lead is sexy and charismatic.” Jinhwan bit his lips and looked away. “She's good and totally my type."   
  
The last part was whispered, but Jinhwan heard it loud anyway.   
  
The question died on his throat. Probably this wasn't the right time to ask it yet.


	2. Junhoe's pov

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Junhoe-ssi, what's your ideal type?"
> 
> ".........but most importantly, I would like it if that person could understand me well. I have a strong personality so I think someone who would match me will be good to tame me, since I could be all over the place sometimes."

Junhoe trapped Jinhwan in the small space of the bathroom's stall, lips eagerly seeking the latter's soft ones. Jinhwan gasped when his lower lip was bitten, and Junhoe seized the opportunity to slip his tongue inside. A few groans echo inside the empty bathroom, but Junhoe was so lost in Jinhwan's addicting mouth that he didn't even hear the door open until Jinhwan pushed him away.   
  
They wait with bated breath as the stranger do his thing, frozen in their place and heart pounding on their chests. Junhoe pulled them inside the last stall, yet he still can't help but to feel nervous. The stranger could just lower his eyes on the ground and he could already catch a glimpse of an extra pair of legs. Disappearing in their short break to make out in one of the cramped stalls sounds like something Dispatch would certainly feast on.   
  
A few nerve wracking minutes after, they hear the tap being turned on, a couple of footsteps, before the door clicked shut. The stranger left and they were once again alone. 

Junhoe released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. It's getting harder these days to find time for this kind of thing.   
  
Much to his surprise, Jinhwan abruptly pushed him away, his back hitting the wall with a dull thud. Jinhwan opened the door in haste, stepping outside to check his reflection on the mirror, grooming himself even if there's nothing to fix. They was just getting started before someone interrupted them. Junhoe merely sighed at his failed attempt and  followed suit.   
  
"Hey," He called out, arms coming out to wrap in Jinhwan's middle, and lips attaching to the other's pale neck. The choker hindered him from placing kisses all over, but he can't be bothered to remove it.   
  
"Stop it," Jinhwan's voice was steely. Junhoe immediately stopped and caught his eyes in the mirror, surprised by the glare sent on his way. Jinhwan swiped a neat hand on his hair, tucking a few loose strands back on its place, before detaching Junhoe's arms around him. He turned to face him, face devoid of any traces of emotions, and stepping back to create a distance between them.

Junhoe tried to come closer but Jinhwan brought a hand up to stop him. Junhoe was sure by now that he pissed the older off again.

"Why are you so eager today? Can't you wait till we get back to our dorm?"   
  
The answer laid heavy on his tongue. The earlier scenes that he witnessed were still fresh on his mind, replaying like a broken record to taunt him. Junhoe opened his mouth, before closing it again. He can't say it. He wasn't even sure if he's allowed to feel jealous over it.   
  
So instead, Junhoe's mouth formed a smirk, lying through his gritting teeth.   
  
"You like it anyway."   
  
Jinhwan's shoulders sag, and his face finally shows how disappointed he was. He shook his head at Junhoe, before turning on his heel and opening the door, leaving Junhoe behind without a word.

Fucked up. Junhoe fucked up yet again.

  
  


  
  
Later, when he left the bathroom, his eyes instantly searched for Jinhwan, who was now sitting with the rest of the members. Their eyes met for a second, before Jinhwan turned his head away to laugh at something. As if on purpose, Jinhwan pressed himself closer to Jiwon's side, hitting the other's knee while laughing. Junhoe clenched his fist, as he tried to control his emotions at bay.   
  
"Junhoe-ssi?" A female staff tapped his shoulder, and Junhoe turned around, an automatic smile on his face. His mouth twitched when another round of loud laughters were heard, so he leaned in closer to hear what the staff was trying to explain to him.   
  
With his back against the others, he completely missed Jinhwan's pensive gaze fixed on them.   
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
It's safe to assume that Junhoe grew up together with the boys. He started early in this line of work-- he learned how to charm people instead of memorizing the science concepts, learned how to say the right words to impress the crowd instead of learning how to solve the functions. He gave up his childhood for practices in their designated basement rooms, slept on the cramped dorm instead of going on their school trip, but he certainly didn't regret anything, especially if it led him in meeting the most talented people.

In meeting Jinhwan.   
  
Soft, small Jinhwan caught his eyes when he was first introduced to the team. He looked warm and inviting, looked harmless yet radiating off an aura that was different from those of Bobby's excited energy and Hanbin's intimidating gaze, but still strong enough to leave an impression. Junhoe was immediately drawn by the calmness that surrounded their oldest, by the sweet smile that welcomed them, and by the way his eyes crinkled whenever he chuckled at Yunhyeong who would visibly cower under Hanbin's stare.   
  
It's embarrassing to admit but Junhoe was aware that he showed his interest on Jinhwan a little too much. He can't help it-- Jinhwan was like the older brother that he never had, and he has the cutest nape that he'd ever seen thus far. It was soft to the touch and smoother than the normal ones, like a baby's. Junhoe found himself touching it a lot, didn't even stop when Jinhwan once confronted him about it.   
  
(" _ Do you think you're touching me a little too much?" _ _   
_ _   
_ __ "Oh, am I? I didn't notice." Junhoe replied, voice bordering apologetic, but still won't remove his hand where it was placed on Jinhwan's nape.)   
  
  


  
  


Junhoe was surrounded by five other people, but a feeling of loneliness still crept up on his insides more often than he liked to admit. He could joke around with Hanbin and Bobby, and tease Yunhyeong and Donghyuk whenever he wanted to. The latter joined them months after and Junhoe had never been so ecstatic in meeting another stranger; it most likely stemmed from the fact that they were on the same age and Donghyuk was sweeter than any of them--the ideal maknae that they needed.

That fateful  _ night _ at the studio helped a lot. After he poured his heart out to the elder, which was the first time since he was admitted to the agency, Jinhwan seemed to shower him more with attention, would compliment  him during practices, and would act as Junhoe's personal diplomat when things became heated. Jinhwan motivated him to continue with all the little things that he did for him, but somehow, a part of him still felt empty.   
  
Needless to say, Junhoe was envious of Triple Kim's close and impenetrable bond.   
  


  
  


  
It's an accident, really. Junhoe didn't mean to walk in on Bobby landing a sloppy kiss on Jinhwan's cheek on the latter's birthday. He didn't mean to watch as Jinhwan's face flushed red at the action, and how he ran away from the duo only to get tackled down on the studio floor and got mercilessly assaulted by Hanbin's tickles. Hanbin kissed him too on his other cheek, but it was much softer than Bobby's, more sincere and less playful.  
  
Young and immature Junhoe wondered if that was normal among friends.  
  
Junhoe never talked about what he saw, and the days continued normally except he can't help but to notice small things that he didn't cared about before. Like how Hanbin initiated skinships with Jinhwan more than Junhoe ever did. It's almost unconscious and natural for them to reach out to each other. Jinhwan and Bobby fought a lot, but when everyone's already asleep, Bobby would come to Jinhwan's room and they would be found on the next day cuddled up on the small bunk that could barely fit them, acting like they never fought in the first place.  
  
Junhoe could make a list of things that he observed, but the longer the list had gotten, the more insignificant he felt. Whatever the Triple Kim have, were significantly deeper from what he thought he had with Jinhwan.  
  
Starting from that day, Junhoe began to want something more than just the comforting pats from Jinhwan.  
  
  
  


  
On the next month, when Jinhwan surprised him with a birthday gift, Junhoe decided to take a risk. He pecked Jinhwan on his lips, just a slight brush of lips on lips, but it still sent him on edge. Jinhwan was too shocked at what he had done, but Junhoe paid him no mind as he  happily basked on the full blush that painted the older's cheeks. It reminded him of the scene that he accidentally walked in with Triple Kim, but this time, he was the one responsible for this reaction.   
  
(Junhoe lost his first kiss on that night, but up until the present time, Jinhwan still had no idea about it.)   
  


 

  
  
Junhoe became greedier with every pecks returned, with every smacks initiated by Jinhwan. Quick pecks wasn't enough for Junhoe now-- felt it was too quick for him to fully feel it, so he took the next step. Bravely, he took a leap.

It took them a messy fight and a crying Jinhwan before Junhoe allowed himself to act on his feelings. He kissed Jinhwan until he stopped from crying, until Jinhwan wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him back, until they ran out of breath. They were treading a new territory, and even though they were still clearly both inexperienced at this, Junhoe still thought that the kiss was perfect. Things always appear to be perfect, especially when he was sharing the experience with Jinhwan.

For the first time on that night, when Junhoe stared at the older man's face when they parted, he thought that he's  _ beautiful _ .   
  


 

  
  
Things went smoothly between them, a couple of months after their first real kiss. They have long passed the line of platonic friendship, but the shift between them was comfortable-- seamless even. They haven't done the actual  _ deed _ yet, but Junhoe stumbled on a Western  series with a set up that was kinda similar to the  _ 'Friends with Benefits' _ thing. He watched a couple of movies and dramas with that as the theme and it strangely fit them.

He liked kissing and being kissed by Jinhwan, and he liked his company. He didn't feel so alone then that Jinhwan's kisses filled the hole on his heart. He also didn't have the same envious feelings whenever he happened to look at the trio.   
  
Jinhwan and him shared a wonderful secret anyway. Hanbin and Bobby didn't get to kiss Jinhwan like he did.

  
  


  
  
They never talked on what they have, because Junhoe thought it's not necessarily needed. He tried to not be bothered when Jinhwan flirted with anyone. He tried to be rational when Jinhwan clung to someone and be fawn over by others, because behind close doors, Junhoe knew that he has Jinhwan. Jinhwan will always come to him at the end of the day with his sweet laugh and with  his even sweeter kisses.   
  
Junhoe had been so confident with what they had. He's satisfied and had been the happiest since. He even had plans about convincing Jinhwan in telling the others about what they're doing, even if they still haven't established on what it was, specifically. All that Junhoe knew was what they have with each other, was special. Different too than the feelings they shared with the rest of the team.

Junhoe had been so confident, but when Jinhwan told him that he's in an official relationship with someone else after dodging his attempt to kiss him on that one peaceful night, his entire world crumbled.   
  
For the second time around, Junhoe was forced to reevaluate his position in Jinhwan's life. If everything even meant something, or if he's just the only one who thought of that way.   
  
On that drama that he watched where they were in a similar situation, he didn’t remember watching the characters getting their hearts broken after finding out that the other character was dating somebody. But Junhoe at that day, felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest and thrown carelessly at the ground. Stomped by a thousand feet and was left to bleed. It left him confused.

If they were really in that _'friends with benefits’_ set up, was it still normal to feel this way?  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
The shooting barely started, but Junhoe was already spacing out after his introduction. Yunhyeong nudged him a little, and Junhoe straightened out, stopped from fiddling his microphone only enough to catch the end of their MC's question.

".....your ideal type?" Junhoe turned to Yunhyeong for help, who frowned at him a little before mouthing the rest of the question to him. It's not the first time that Junhoe daydreamed while in the middle of a schedule, and he already knew that he'll be scolded by Hanbin and their manager for paying so little attention in today's shoot. It's unprofessional of him, they say.  
  
Junhoe nodded, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jinhwan looking up at him on his place at the sofa, his right arm laced with Hanbin's. Junhoe briefly wondered if it has been like that ever since the shoot started.  
  
"Oh, look! He's thinking a lot about it." Donghyuk's  teasing voice broke the silence. It caused a few staff to laugh, and Junhoe was glad for the distraction.  
  
"I love the sexy ones. I think I will be really attracted to charismatic women." It's his practiced line for this repeatedly asked question, the answer that was given to him by his company to fit his image. The members' erupted in a chorus of playful _'oohs'_ , everyone except for Jinhwan who turned his attention away from him to play with Hanbin's fingers instead. Junhoe pushed the uncomfortable feeling that settled on his chest, and with a sudden emotion he can’t grasp clearly, he continued, "But most importantly, I would like it if that person could understand me well. I have a strong personality so I think someone who would match me will be good to tame me, since I could be all over the place sometimes."  
  
It's the most sincere thing that he had ever said in an interview and the answer was so unexpected that everyone went silent after it. Their manager sent him a questioning look and Yunhyeong lightly smacked his back. Junhoe smiled and nodded at the MC to conclude his answer, before glancing again at Jinhwan who visibly tensed up.  
  
"All over the place sometimes? You mean, all the time." Yunhyeong added moments after, breaking the awkward silence that enveloped the set. The members' echoed their agreement, and the teasing remarks started again. Junhoe laughed at that, because it's the appropriate reaction for this situation, though it sounded forced even on his own ears.  
  
The MC moved on a different topic, but Junhoe's mind remained on Jinhwan, and how his hand never left Hanbin's grasp for the rest of the shooting.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
It's one of those rare times when they were given a day off of their busy schedules. Most of the members were off to visit their parents, or to shop clothes and other necessities, while Junhoe spent it sleeping for half of the day. He woke up in the afternoon with a grumbling stomach, and almost had his face flat on the ground when he accidentally stepped on the mess on his floor. Maybe he'll clean up someday.  
  
Still half awake, Junhoe trudged towards their kitchen. The other bedroom doors are closed and the living room was empty, so the others must have all left. He reached their dining area in one piece-- thankful to Yunhyeong who was kind enough to leave him some food on the counter. It's already gone cold but Junhoe ate it anyway, too lazy to walk for a few more steps and reheat it in the oven.  
  
Their dorm was too quiet. He didn't remember Jinhwan telling him that he had plans for today, not that Jinhwan needed to tell him of course, so Junhoe figured out that Jinhwan probably just went out to buy something on the storefront, which meant that he'll be back immediately. Which _also_ meant that today was  the perfect time for them to have some quality time together. It’s been awhile since they last hung out anyway.

With that in mind, Junhoe grinned and quickly finished his food, skipping happily back on his room to find a movie that they could watch together later.

  
  
  


  
Junhoe was standing in front of Jinhwan's door when he heard voices coming from the inside. Did Jinhwan brought a guest today?   
  
Junhoe tried pressing his ear on the surface to eavesdrop, but he heard nothing aside from a few mumbled words. Burning with curiosity and some other feeling that was definitely not jealousy, he twisted the doorknob carefully as to not make any sounds, peeking from the small gap to identify Jinhwan's company.   
  
Two figures were inside with their backs facing him, sitting on the floor and leaning at the side of Jinhwan's bed. More like Jinhwan was the only one sitting, hands absentmindedly running on his guest's hair who had his head comfortably laid on his lap, and eyes fixed on his TV screen.   
  
Jinhwan’s guest turned out to be none other than Bobby, who stopped in the middle of his narration when he noticed that the door was slightly ajar and Junhoe's eyes were boring holes at them. Clearly surprised, Bobby's eyes widen before opening his mouth to probably say something to Junhoe, who then brought his finger on his lips, effectively sending his message across when Bobby stopped and closes his mouth meekly. Jinhwan remained oblivious throughout their little exchange, as Junhoe nodded and smiled at the still frozen Bobby before closing the door quietly.   
  
Junhoe dropped his smile when the door closed. He glanced at the newly released Japanese movie on his hand, and back at the door. Guess he'll just watch the movie alone. Jinhwan was clearly busy with someone that wasn't him.   
  


  
  
The movie ended but Junhoe failed to understand the actual plot, nor the reason why the main lead was crying. Seeing the actor's tears made him feel like crying too. His mind chose to piece up different scenarios on what could Jinhwan and Bobby be possibly doing in the next room, and every scene created burned on his heart.   
  
“ _ Why can’t you just ask him to be yours officially?” _

Junhoe can’t do that even if he wanted to, because even after all these years, he still had to fight for Jinhwan's sole attention. 

He'll always have the times when he thought that hehe winning, but in the end, he'll just get slapped with the hard and cold reality that he wasn't. He's not any different than the next person.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully this clears out anything about junhoe being an asshole lmao (well he actually was at the start for using jinhwan just so he'll never feel lonely again) 
> 
> fun fact: the movie that he offered to watch jinhwan on the first chap was the same movie that he watched on this chap hehe


	3. Yunhyeong's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through the years of observing the duo, Yunhyeong still didn't have any clue on what it meant. All that he knew was that it's a special look, much like how everything was when talking about Jinhwan and Junhoe. 
> 
> Special. Vague. Different. Fond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, yunhyeong's pov, our ship president this time! the previous two chapters are connected with this one, and it's been a while since i last updated so you may want to check the first two out. i recently gained the inspiration here so even if i have tons of wip, i continued it lolol

Yunhyeong prided himself in knowing their eldest member the most. In understanding the meaning behind his forced smiles, furrowed eyebrows and downcasted eyes. It's not like he has the greatest observational skills among everyone, because that skill belonged to Jinhwan. It's just that, he knew where to look.   
  
And right now he's looking at Jinhwan who was glaring somewhere else. The oldest had been silent since he went back from the restroom, wordlessly slotting himself between Jiwon and Hanbin. Curious, Yunhyeong followed his line of vision, only to find Junhoe with a female staff member. Junhoe was smiling and leaning forward, and from their angle it looked a little weird, a little close. It looked suggestive, looked like they're flirting too when he saw how the staff member tuck her air in her ear--and with the way Jinhwan averted his eyes away from them, Yunhyeong knew that their oldest was thinking of the same thing.   
  
Yunhyeong glanced around him, and internally sighed. It seemed like he's the only one again who noticed the little exchange. Junhoe followed Jinhwan when the latter excused himself for the restroom earlier, but now,  Jinhwan came back alone and he seemed to be in a much sour mood after witnessing the scene. Something must have happened between the two while they're both gone, because Yunhyeong was in the car with Jinhwan on their way towards the studio and the older seemed fine then, enthusiastic even.

Jinhwan was playing with Hanbin's fingers, didn't even look up to acknowledge Junhoe's presence when he got back. Yunhyeong caught how Junhoe fleeted his gaze from Jinhwan and Hanbin's intertwined hands, before his expression hardened.    


Yunhyeong sighed yet again. Trouble was coming.

  
  


  
  
The two members didn't engage themselves in their conversation up until the actual shooting began, while the others remain oblivious on the small conflict between the two--everyone sans Yunhyeong who witnessed them all.    
  
The cameras started to roll by, with the director signalling the start of the shoot. Junhoe and Jinhwan's introduction were less enthusiastic than their usual, skipping their playful lines for a more straightforward one, which only meant that it's up to Yunhyeong to do some damage control if they ever decided to let their emotions take over them in today's shooting. Yunhyeong has been doing that ever since he realized that there's something different going on between them two, something that was both clear yet vague at the same time.   
  
A soft tap on their shoulders when they get a little too close, a hand on their arm to subtly remind them that they were getting lost in each other's presence, a lot of side eyeing and teasing remarks to bring them back to reality. It's the little things that Yunhyeong did to stop themselves from letting out too much, whatever the term  _ too much _ may entail.   
  
Junhoe and Jinhwan are both clueless and dumb, but Yunhyeong would tirelessly help them out when needed.

 

* * *

  
  


“Yunhyeong, hyung you're here again?”, was the kind of welcoming that he received from Junhoe. Yunhyeong just stuck his tongue out at the younger male, before making himself at home at the living room sofa.

“Why do you like being here?” Junhoe had whined, like the child he was, but he still plopped down on the same sofa that Yunhyeong was sitting on. Yunhyeong paid him no mind, because he's used to this kind of display, afterall he had gone way too many times downstairs that he could now drown out Junhoe's noisy complaints.

The television was playing a live football match, and the  manager's place was empty. Yunhyeong vaguely remembered their manager informing them in their group chat that he'll be out today for a meeting on their next schedules.

“Where are the others?”

Junhoe looked up from where he's scrolling away at his phone, obviously not expecting the question. Yunhyeong repeated the question to him, because it looked like he didn't even hear it.

“Bobby hyung was sleeping, and Donghyuk was out.”

Junhoe immediately went back on focusing on his phone, and Yunhyeong felt the urge to smack the younger for being so dismissive. It wasn't his fault that he's feeling a bit lonely and the quietness of their place upstairs was of no help. He wanted some company, and if Junhoe's boisterous voice was the only one available, then he'll still gladly take it.

“Where is Jinhwan hyung?”

Just then, a presence made himself known, as Yunhyeong jumped back, very much surprised at the sudden appearance.

“Oh, Yunhyeong, you're here again?” Jinhwan was suddenly standing on his side, his hair wet and face void of any make up. He looked fresh out of the shower. A quick glance on the older's padded feet answered Yunhyeong of why he didn't even hear him come in.

Jinhwan looked amused at Yunhyeong's reaction, before he settled next to Junhoe's side. Junhoe hadn't looked up from his phone, but hr didn't fail to notice how the younger subtly move to side as a silent invitation for Jinhwan to come sit beside him, even if there's more space on Yunhyeong's part on the sofa.

Jinhwan tapped Junhoe's thigh, and it's fascinating to see how the latter immediately hid his phone, turning his full attention to their oldest member. Yunhyeong wanted to scoff out loud because he's the second oldest among them and yet he didn't get the same amount of attention like Jinhwan was having right now, but then he remembered that it's Jinhwan and Junhoe, and their set up always worked like this.

“What happened while I'm gone?”

Junhoe shrugged, as Yunhyeong doubted that he could answer him because he'd been on his phone the whole time. “Nothing much, the game just started.”

Jinhwan hummed, and then he's leaning forward to get a glass of some dark liquid on the coffee table in front of them. Yunhyeong hadn't noticed it before he came in, but now, after seeing the two glasses and a bottle of alcohol placed in front, Junhoe's earlier reaction to him coming down on their place made a lot more sense.

“Am I disturbing something?” Yunhyeong asked, because it really looked like he's getting in a way of  something here.

“No, no. We're just going to watch this match.”Jinhwan answered, but it did nothing to alleviate the queasy feeling at the pit of stomach. 

  
  
  


It's kind of hard to drown the pair on Yunhyeong's right side throughout the match, because they both looked so into it. Junhoe kept on shouting exclamations on every crucial part of the game, and Jinhwan was usually the first one to reprimand him for being loud but surprisingly, the latter was only looking at the younger with this kind of certain expression that was only reserved for Junhoe.

Through the years of observing the duo, Yunhyeong still didn't have any clue on what it meant. All that he knew was that it's a  _ special _ look, much like how everything was when talking about Jinhwan and Junhoe.

Special. Vague. Different. Fond.

Junhoe jumped on his seat when his team scored a goal. Jinhwan just laughed at him, his eyes curving into crescents as he watched the younger and yep, Yunhyeong was definitely disturbing something here.

 

 

* * *

  
  
  


The downstairs was for once, quiet when Yunhyeong entered. There weren't any signs of life that would tell him otherwise. Maybe they were all sleeping or just out.

Deciding to at least make his effort to go downstairs into a productive one, Yunhyeong went straight towards the kitchen, as he opened the fridge in search for something that he could eat or cook.

While he's in the middle of checking out the expiry dates of the items on the fridge, a shadow passed by on the translucent kitchen panel. Thrilled that someone was awake now, Yunhyeong immediately closed the fridge to annoy whoever that was.

“ _ Hey, wanna watch this movie with me?" _

Yunhyeong could barely hear it, but it was unmistakably Junhoe's voice, and judging by his words, then he must be in front of Jinhwan's room. Shrugging and deciding that he'll just crash on their movie night, he walked towards the entryway to make his presence known to the other occupants.

The next thing that he knew, was that he's immediately ducking back inside their kitchen, regretting ever going out, as he swallowed an audible gasp at the scene he just witnessed He covered his mouth to keep a sound from going out. His heart was hammering inside his chest and his eyes wide, praying to all the available Gods out there that he his presence remained unknown.

Only after the hushed voices and the resounding click of a door did Yunhyeong finally let out a sigh of relief. For a few seconds, he stayed still, standing blankly in the middle of their kitchen, processing what he had just seen earlier.

It's only for a split second but he definitely just saw Junhoe kissing Jinhwan.

Yunhyeong ruffled his hair in frustration. He finally got the answer that he's been looking for after so many years. He's been expecting this, but witnessing it, right before his eyes even if he wasn't intending to walk in on them like that, still blew his mind.

 

Oh, Jinhwan and Junhoe. What had they gotten themselves into?

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! this concludes the introduction, with jinhwan, junhoe and yunhyeong's pov. if i ever decided to gain the inspiration to continue it, then we'll get into their daily interactions haha
> 
> if you have questions, ask away!

**Author's Note:**

> comments are very much appreciated. thank you for reading!


End file.
